四月，是一個緬懷故人的季節，也是一個復活重生的季節，更是一個與生死扯不開的季節。這些年，每當一些年紀與自己相若，甚或比自己年輕的親友、同學捨我而去時，總有一種詭異莫測的感覺：為甚麼他們比我先走？是他們的運氣還是自己的運氣？要走的話，是否會突如其來？還是早有先兆？留下的，又會是怎樣的光景？最重要的問號是，我所做的事、存在的價值，究竟意義何在？
《那些年》的女主人翁沈佳宜說了一句很能引起共鳴的話： 「人生有很多事本來就是徒勞無功的啊！」這不正正點出了過去八年議會工作的結論嗎？但轉念一想，這話似乎又過於消極，過於出世。從另一角度看，也是太看重自己了。為甚麼你認為你的言行一定會令到整個世界剎那間改變？這不是過於自我是甚麼？還是電影中的柯景騰說得中肯： 「這個世界因為有了我會有一點點差別。」管他這一點點差別是好是壞，已代表著，也見證著自己的存在，今天的種種，並非南柯一夢。
一行禪師曾經說過： 「死亡並非是從有到無，並非是從有人變成無人。」他把人與雲相比。他問： 「那麼雲會死嗎？」答案是不會的。這只是形態的一種轉變：「就算雲在天空中消失，它仍然以雨或雪的新形態存在。當你喝茶或飲水時，看到雲就在茶水裡，你看到了真理。」改變是事實，也是永恆的。八年工作雲和月，說多不多，說少不少，換來的，只是雙目無神、兩鬢皆白的面容。但在議會的紀錄中，也曾有我存在過的痕迹，也可說是已做到了柯景騰所說的，令到這議會、這社會也許「有一點點差別」。既是如此，夫復何求？
6 comments:
why don't you write to CY Leung to give me a medal for writing so much to your blog? I guess you are the last person he will listen to.
If you want to write soothing essays and earn a living, don't be a politician. Being a poet like Tsui Chi-mal at Cambridge University may suit your temperament better.
This type of essays gives the negative impression to your potential voters that you are in the clouds. A no-no in politics. You should show that you are the go-geter. Don't ask what your party can do for you. Ask what you can do for your constituents, even to the extent to giving false hopes.
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